Fingers poised over the keyboard, I hesitate. Maybe I should just check out Facebook. Again. Just to see if anything important has cropped up that I need to be reading about.
I was right, there was. But now it's time to write. My book. So, I finally manage to get a few words down on the screen. A lack of self confidence has taken over though. I think back to my first two books and panic. I felt like this when writing the first, but I was learning how to actually write a book, for God's sake. And truth be told, I couldn't really imagine anyone reading it at that stage. With the second, I got on with it straight after publishing the first so didn't have much time to think. But I did have days like this when I thought I couldn't do it, and that it was rubbish. Amazingly readers seem to be enjoying the books. Some are asking when this book will be ready to publish. This is my dream come true...but also a nightmare! What if they hate book three? What if they think it's nowhere as good as the others? What if they don't bother asking me anymore and find someone more worthy of their time? And what if I just gave up, too scared to find out? That will not happen. That thought is scarier than anything. So I need to:
As I tap away I remind myself of all the nice things people have said about my writing. It's the best feeling ever. But then my characters refuse to cooperate, and join ranks to mock and belittle me. 'We wouldn't do that!' They scoff. 'We wouldn't say such a thing!' They tut. I think about what my doctor said, and feel slightly better:
And he's right. I do! But unfortunately the clock isn't cooperating with me either. Maybe I should check out social media again. There could be a message needing my immediate attention. I'm fooling myself of course. Delaying tactics, because I'm having a bad writing day. I know that really, and I know this too:
So, I glance at the clock again, decide it's stopped, and that I can:
But tomorrow I MUST do the following, and somehow get there.
I know I'm not the only one to feel like this, and that does help. So, in a moment of crazy confidence, I'm saying in public that my third book will be out by the end of the year. Written, edited and published. By saying this out loud to you, I will imagine you judging me if I don't. Badly. And that's the kick up the butt I need. So feel free to check up on my progress and give me hell if you see another post like this one (written by me, obviously) In fact, I'm counting on it!
Love Pippa x